Harry Potter Plot-Bunnies - In English
by Born To Sleep
Summary: What the title says. Mostly crackfics.
1. Chapter 1: Morry

"You want to what!?", Ron asked in a high-pitched voice.

"We want to marry", Harry repeated patiently.

"But - what!?" Rons face had turned worryingly pale; he looked like he would have a stroke any moment now.

"Oh, really, Ronald", an indignant Mrs. Weasley said, "you behave like this is the end of the world!"

"But - but Mum!"

At the kitchen table one of the twins, who, until now, had both stayed silent, finally opened his mouth. "That's a joke, right?" The pleading undertone was unmistakeable.

Fred and George, since they had joined the Weasley-plus-Harry-minus-Mr.-Weasley-and-Ginny-emergency-meeting in the kitchen at the Burrow, had sat at the table with at first livid, and later more and more unbelieving expressions.

"No Fred", Mrs. Weasley replied, "we are completely serious with this."

"Wha-... but - what's with Dad!? And Ginny!? You can't seriously-"

Rons facial colour turned from deathly pale to a purple that would have rivaled Vernon Dursley on a bad day.

"They will understand", Harry said mollifyingly, "after all-"

He got interrupted, when Ron, who seemingly couldn't take it anymore, tackled him to the ground with a roar.


	2. Chapter 2: A Marriage Law?

Hermione Granger gaped at the article in the Daily Prophet she just finished reading.

After she regained her bearings, she loudly called out: "Mum! Dad! We have to emigrate!"

All over Great Britain and Ireland muggleborn, half- and pureblooded wizards and witches had the same idea.


	3. Chapter 3: Petunia Dursley, Werewolf

"An incident? What happened?", asked Harry.

"Your aunt, Mr. Potter, is in St. Mungos' Hospital in London", said a grave Professor McGonagall. "Yesterday evening, she... Well, there is no easier way to tell you this..." She sighed. "Mr. Potter, yesterday evening, when your aunt was on her way home, she got attacked by a werewolf, and, unfortunately, was bitten."

"She got _what_?!"


	4. Chapter 4: DADA-Professor from hell

**Deadpool/Dr. Doom/Der Joker as Professor for Defense Against The Dark Arts**

"That guy is batshit insane", whispered a shell-shocked Ron.

Harry didn't reply; he was too occupied with keeping both eyes on the... Professor... in front of the class, and, with his right hand, having a death grip onto his wand underneath the desk.

Next to them, Hermione let loose a barely audible whimper, and silently breathed: "We're all going to die!"


	5. Chapter 5: Potion-induced time-travel

Harry fell onto someone, and the both of them hit the ground hard.

Once the portkey-travel-like feeling had passed, he opened his eyes - and found himself half sitting half laying in some Slytherin-girls lap.

Bloodred, Harry lept up, and opened his mouth to apologize profusely - and realized that he hadn't seen the girl in class before.

Around them, students all through the potions classroom were coughing in the smoke and getting up from the floor, where all of them had ended up after the explosion of Nevilles newest, most spectacular potions mishap.

Harry blinked, and looked down to his left, where Ron had been sitting - and where his friend was now attempting to stand up as well, all the while murmuring embarrassed apologies to the girl he had accidentally knocked down.

A girl Harry didn't know either.

The girl on the ground next to him had apparently recovered and started to shout at him - and also pointing her wand in his direction?

Not wanting to be hexed, Harry hurried to raise his hands placatingly, and said: "Look, I'm really sorry I knocked you down, and, er, fell into your lap, but-"

At this point, Harry realized what the girl was saying.

And he understood almost nothing of it.

The language the girl was speaking _sounded_ at first like she was speaking english, but once you started to listen closely, what she was saying was more like a garbled, ancient version of it.

Harry, confused, and slightly worried, started to look through the dungeon for Snape; the man was a terrible teacher, but a competent wizard, surely he would be able to fix this?

Once he started looking for Snape, Harry suddenly noticed the number of students inside the dungeon. In the last few minutes, it seemed to have doubled. The two girls at Harrys and Rons seats were not the only students he didn't know; there were at least twenty others, all looking to be around his age, he had never seen before. And the interior of the room had changed, too; instead of jars full of ominous, prepared creatures you did not want to look at too closely, the shelves on the walls held some books, several wooden boxes, and numerous different-sized clay pots.

Next to him, a nervous Ron, who too had a wand held into his face, said: "Uhm, Harry? I think something's wrong here."

Harry was inclined to agree; not only had the room changed and was full of unknown people, he had just catched sight of Snape, who sat on the floor, with his back propped up on a table-leg, next to Neville. Neville himself was petrified in the process of sitting up, facing a middle-aged witch who pointed her wand at the both of them.

The witch shouted something, and the noise and tumult almost immediatly ceased, until it was deathly quiet.

Into the silence, Snape, eyes on the strange witch, said with a noticably forced, calm voice: "Congratulations, Longbottom. This is at the same time the most genius thing and the worst mistake you ever made in this class, and also quite likely in your whole life."


End file.
